I realize the time between each time I write here are increasing, as well as the drop of actual content. For a while all I did was linking random nice stuff from around the net. I have been thinking for a while, though I do a lot of thinking on a lot of projects, that I’ll try and change my blog. Though, I have by no means concluded to what for.
My holiday is over and I’m slowly getting back in to daily life routines. My vacation was a true adventure. I had been looking forward to the trip since January, and the excitement and expectations where through the roof in the weeks before I left. Sometimes so high I didn’t know what to do and it frightened me. I would wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat and full of “what if..” questions along side “what will happen..”, “How will I react..” - questions. But at the same time being filled with excitement and joy. Time went by really quickly from January till July, I thought it’d be slow as a turtle, possibly as a snail. But it zoomed by like nothing. Three weeks before my one month holiday I was told I had to move, panic seized me. I had to pack, I had to find a place, I had to clean. I was lucky though, I found a place within three days. Moving while I was working and trying to pack for my holiday was stressful. I had to let go of my cat, which I miss incredible much. - but all of this you already know. The summer, the first week was, I believe, tense - although in a good way. We both used a lot of energies to make sure things didn’t become too awkward, and there were still a lot of expectations at that point that hadn’t been filled. We met a lot of people, we had a lot of good laughs. We saw movies, we went for walks, we talked. We were mischievous and we plotted. And not least of all, we explored. The world, our friendship, and discovered new and wonderful things. Though the vacation did only last for roughly four weeks, and though we went through three different countries, the time we spent together seemed a lot longer. Now, I know, that is usually a bad sign. And that you usually feel you want to be as far away from whomever you are with, but it wasn’t like this. It felt so natural, in the end, it felt simply that we belonged together and had always been together. Secrets were told and shared, private moments that will be treasured. He left to return to Holland on the 2nd of August. Early in the morning hours we sat at the airport drinking coffee in silence. It was sad, but not overwhelmingly so. Perhaps because I was too tired to think much. It was empty after he left, but I had only a few hours to do some laundry and change the bed and get an extra mattress and do some general clean up before Ann and Eyal arrived. I’m quite happy for them deciding to stay with me for a short week. It was wonderful to see them again, despite my tiredness after work and a long holiday. But it meant I didn’t have to feel on the raw loneliness and emptiness after he left. I had company and good friends. Ann and I made a few button earrings which I have been wearing nearly everyday since. I’ll post some pictures of them later, when I can be bothered to get off my lazy arse to do so.
They left however, and are on their way home to Israel one of these days. It’s quiet here, at home. But it’s not too bad. I somehow managed to get some inflammation in my upper back, shoulders, neck and chest. I can’t eat without it being excruciatingly painful when I swallow. I can barely sleep, as I am not one who lies in one position throughout the night and then are bound to move to a painful position and wake me up. The pain isn’t there all the time, but I don’t know when it’ll come, which movements will trigger it so I’m always on edge. It’s hard to smile to our patients, and to laugh during lunch. There’s nothing wrong with my mood per say. I am happy, but I am in pain and I am tired and hungry. The doctor put me on a ten-day ‘cure’, and here’s me crossing fingers, toes and any other limbs that can be crossed for those ten days to pass faster than the light.
